Passion...

I just finished watching a video Danny MacAskill "Way Back Home" on youtube, and it reminded me of something that I used to have and that is passion.  This guy was on his bike doing some amazing tricks, as if that bike and him were one. You could see the passion of riding in him.  He didn't do it for the money, fame, or as a job, he rides because it is him. I used to be very passionate about Jiu-Jitsu. It is what woke me up in the morning, and what would be in my dreams when I slept. I couldn't go a minute without thinking about this move or that move.  It was to a point that it was almost spiritual in nature. By that I mean that when I was rolling sometimes I fell into a meditative trance, a state to where my mind was completely blank of thoughts just pure reaction.  This is when it no longer was a sport, it was me. Nothing I have ever done has ever gotten me to that point.

This is something that I still look for today, and maybe it is something that only crosses you once in a lifetime if you are lucky.  Unfortunately the strong passion I had for it, now is the same amount of passion I have to stay away from it. The sport grew into an ego filled mania, and it hasn't recovered. This is where I took a break from it and haven't returned. And I cant blame the sport just the people that are in it.  Wearing the Tapout, and Affliction gear, not too many have even trained nor fought. Not that this entirely matters, what the main thing that affected the sport was money. Soon it became popular, then through popularity came the money.  Once money came then so the greed. Greed got a hold of the coaches that were teaching, then the prices went up and the quality of instruction went down.  It was down hill spiral from that point on, no longer was it about the passion of the sport but about the next paycheck.  It felt watered down and jaded, classes seemed choppy and short. Soon students started leaving, and then gyms starting closing. The reason, the coaches were feeding their own ego and padding their wallets, instead of concentrating on the art, and teaching their passion.

We all have dreams about becoming rich.  Rarely does one dream to have passion. Those that are truly passionate about what they do, do not care about the money.  They would do it even if they didn't get paid a dime, because it is a part of them.  These people are the ones that become rich and wealthy, not only because their passions lead to riches, but because they have found themselves. Danny MacAskil didn't look at a bike and said this is going to make me rich.  He looked at the bike and rode it and found himself, and his passion took him to the riches.

This is a topic that I needed to discuss because I do not know where Jiu-Jitsu will be for me in the future, or if it will be there at all, but I do know that it was there and it was a part of me. I have tried different things but nothing has gotten me closer to who I am than Jiu-Jitsu.  It has been two years since I have been on the mat, and I still think about it everyday. Maybe there is passion for the sport left, no longer as a competitor but maybe as a coach.  Maybe this is something that I need to do in my life in order to find Bryan, and to know myself as I once did...