Leaf on a stream...

Lately, I have been trying to envision myself as a leaf on a stream and go about my day with the thought that anything that is going to happen is going to happen so just roll with it.  This has been very enlightening for me, because I used to be a dam on the stream.  If things didn't go accordingly I would blow up and try to stop the present course and try to swim against the current.  This thought process would create a lot of stress and ended up upsetting me and the people around me.  I had to make a change, and in my years of jiu-jitsu I should have known to use technique and leverage to overcome an opponent versus strength.  My technique is thought perception to change the way I think about a situation.  Instead of finding the negative learn to find the positive.  The leverage is going with the stream, I dont need to fight against it but I can use the current to change my direction, just have to flow with it.

Although new, it has produced rewards to me.  Just yesterday in preparation for Thanksgiving I knew there would be a ton of dishes to do after cooking but I wanted to post on my blog.  So what I would usually do is gripe and groan about getting the dishes done and how much time it would take me, and how I wouldn't have time to get done what I wanted to do.  Then I realized the negative thoughts already going in my head and started changing them.  I started the self talk that no matter what the dishes had to be done, and once they are done there is nothing stopping me from staying up and extra 20 minutes, but if i sit here and moan, gripe and procrastinate, I would have to stay up longer and I would feel even worse than I do now.   Why choose to be worse off?

I know how little a victory this may seem, but to me it is a start.  From a person who used to blow up at any inconvenience and could not find a positive out of anything, it is a change for the better.  I am hopeful that this small victory will lead to other small victories, and then when all these small victories add up it will help me tackle a big problem that will inevitably occur in life.

I hope that everyday that I can find a moment when things aren't exactly going my way but instead of being a dam I will be the leaf. Envisioning a leaf on a stream is a start to find the me that has been swallowed up by negativity the last few years.  Rome was not built in a day and finding Bryan will take some time, but with the changing of my thought process it will be sooner than later...